You Changed

It’s funny how those two words can carry so much weight in a relationship. The drama, the disappointment, the how-dare-you-betray-my-mental-image-of-you energy. But here’s the thing: maybe they didn’t change. Maybe you just never really knew them.

Yeah, I said it.

Let’s get real for a second. Relationships, especially in the beginning, are like highlight reels. Everyone’s on their best behavior, showing you the parts of themselves they want you to see. They’re charming, thoughtful, agreeable—basically, the walking embodiment of their dating profile. But over time, the filters fade, and what you’re left with isn’t a new person. It’s the real person.

The Honeymoon Phase Lies
Think about it: in those early days, they laughed at all your jokes—even the bad ones. They acted like your late-night rants about conspiracy theories were riveting TED Talks. They pretended to like your favorite show even though it bored them to tears.

Guess what? That wasn’t them changing—that was them trying. It was effort, not authenticity. And now that they’re comfortable with you, they’re not doing the extras anymore.

Does that mean they were fake? No. It means they’re human. You know, that whole “flawed and not here to perform for your entertainment” thing.

The Real Problem? You Never Saw the Whole Picture
Let’s call it what it is: a lot of us fall in love with an idea, not a person. We see someone we’re attracted to and start projecting all our hopes and dreams onto them. “They like coffee? OMG, soulmates.”

But here’s the problem: when reality starts peeling back the layers, we’re shocked. They don’t actually like running marathons—they were just trying to impress you. They’re not a morning person—they were just forcing a smile over brunch. And suddenly, you’re sitting there thinking, Who is this person?

The answer? They’ve always been this person. You just filled in the blanks with whatever fantasy version you wanted.

So, What Now?
If you feel like someone’s “changed,” here’s a newsflash: the relationship is at a crossroads. You can either face the truth of who they really are—or keep clinging to the imaginary version you created in your head.

• Option 1: Dig Deeper.
  Get curious instead of judgmental. Who are they really? What do they care about? And can you love that version of them, flaws and all?

• Option 2: Admit the Disconnect.
  Sometimes, what you discover isn’t a match. And that’s okay. It’s better to walk away now than waste time resenting someone for not living up to your expectations.

Here’s the Bottom Line
People don’t change as much as you think they do. They just stop editing themselves. They stop performing for your approval, and honestly, that’s a good thing. Real relationships aren’t about highlight reels or perfect performances—they’re about showing up as your messy, complicated, unfiltered self.

So, before you throw around “you changed” like it’s an insult, ask yourself: Did they change, or did you just finally start seeing who they really are?

If you want real love, take off the rose-colored glasses and get to know the person in front of you. You might be surprised by how much better reality can be—if you’re willing to see it.

And hey, if they really did change? Well, good for them. Growth isn’t a bad thing. But let’s be honest: odds are, it’s not them. It’s you. Now go deal with it.

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